no i don’t think they would believe you and i never for a second thought you’d understand cause i’ve been

stuck in stupors,drowning in the past and what-i used to haves 

the very least you could do is

pretend.

there’s no parade or femme fatales

and i’ll bow down as if nothing ever happened

and i don’t know if i could put the bottle down

so take the past and keep it in your trunk,i’ll

lay the weight of your world on the ignition.

and we’ll say good bye,into the ocean we say

good bye.

when i close my eyes it’s as if the bass line and the synth find their way out of the ipod and i could touch them with my fingers. that’s how i feel. it’s all good and if you think this bingeing is gonna be the death of me,trust me brody i’ve gone through worse things and what’s the worst that this plant could to to my standard of living?

this shouldn’t even be called living.

today i’ll just let it slide.

i’m tired.

i couldnt find myself last nite and i drove for quite some time but the car could’nt go far enough so i tried to take a step back and ended up missing everything i’ve been trying so hard to forget .i grew marigolds from the darkest places but this was dead and there is no coming back from that and i’m wasting all my time while you’re with someone else.i better go home now, cause this is going nowhere i want to write a song about our love but there is none.i want to write a song about our love but there is none.

dear cardiovascular system,

you woke me up with a flying fuck.

define wasted.

you can’t hold me back but you sure do make things harder.

those girls had boyfriends.

you douche.

i was drifting asleep at the wheel when you told me that fear of yours of me breaking apart. all these years turned magic into routine and it made me feel so.fumbling with my tie, you never taught me the last fold because you never had the patience. you are a slave to those powder induced binges and have adapted a sort of retractable spine that i have grown to accept and shamelessly use to my advantage.you are my father and i your son. ————————————————-.i was right to take off before i was consumed———————————————————— you are a two hour bus ride to the middle of nowhere like a childhood memory you were distant but familiar.hesitant to lay the weight of your world on my shoulders. i slowly learn on training wheels after a horrific fall that i have yet to lick my wounds from.you looked at me with those wide eyes,pinched my arm and then i was sure.everything would be alright. ——-hi allie! :)

it is 4:24 in the morning.i woke up at 4 in the afternoon yesterday.i guess i am cool.a non-green alien isolated in this foreign universe.this can of alcohol is my rocket fuel and you “bestfriend”,you’ve dismantled me yet again like a good advocate of the very true bible should.

“we may feel unworthy now, but in God’s eyes we’re precious to Him.” when something i firmly refused to believe in made sense,for the life of me i felt like a hypocrite and that smile plastered on your over-blown helmet head made me feel insignificant.

there are nights where i feel weightless, there are nights i feel like i’m under the ground.either way i’m still a dynamic douche.

we had dinner at PFF president mari martinez’ house today, i led the prayer.

My hair is too long.i need a life.

as if my self-appraisals ever sufficed for my lack of insides.i felt copacetic. i thought,”hey what a beautiful day to be left behind”.the world had it’s reasons.the map had it’s miles.we would keep our distance and eventually fall apart,it was killing me but now i looked at you and i had none of that sweet resistance. i was without a doubt,hopeful.

i held on for as long as i could but you had to go.

i had to let go, for now.

happy flight.

sleep-eat-drink-sleep-eat-drink-football = the holidays so far.

i spiked your cup with so much of my enthusiasm.you’d figure soon that i would like to have something back. i learned that the porsche is more than a car,it is a time machine, hitler’s time machine. my social life lives under the ocean, it lies under the classic guitar riffs and black and white cellular phone themes. you were epic in my arms,i hope this night sets the tone for our life long marching song.you were never there until that night and i can’t help being a hipocrite.”hey we’re cool.”

is this how you pictured your first smoke,how you thought it’d feel like?it was an awkward choke that i wanted to save you from.

we were always there but we never knew where.